Friendships and Possibilities??

I get excited at the idea of new friends. The possibility of having someone that has my back and I've got theirs. But every day I worry about being let down - or get aggrivated with - someone.

I've come to think I judge to harshly. I get annoyed too easily and I feel that I myself am annoying - there I find a contradiction in my actions. I hate that about me.

I wish I could be as easy going as others that I know and see. I feel like I have certain things I have to stand up for... but maybe they get in the way of my social skills. If I constantly am annoyed at someone - because I'm standing up against being pushed around - then I feel I'm just looked at as a mean person. Then again, I have friends who, in my opinion, could stand to be more mean so they wouldn't get pushed around. So here I am - a rock in a hard place. I wish I could find a happy medium - just to let my brain rest.

I am at a weird point in feelings. I am so excited to have people who love me, friends that would be there for me. But at the same time, I somewhat feel badly about the people I have previously dismissed because I CANNOT just be everyone's friend. I am not that kind of girl. If I'm dealing with bull everyday from someone - I eventually give up on a friendship. Is that wrong?

I sometimes feel - well, I shouldn't give up. And other times - I'm so much better off when not being stressed out by this person.

So what do I do?

Continue putting up with things that stress me out even further? Or dismiss people that in my terms aren't worth trying to be more than acquaintences with?

Anyway - right now things are looking up for me. I'm hoping to have a whole new work ethic in my studies and right now the people that really are my friends are shining through :).

As much as I gripe everyday - I do love my life!

My Wuvet

It's been 1 year 5 months and 2 weeks since we made it official.

I'm the type that on some days, is easily agitated, on others I'm paranoid, others jealous. I hate myself for ever allowing me to be angry or upset at him.

My man is the GREATEST man in the entire world. My Drew.

400-ish miles away from me... I'm lucky if I get to see him every 4 weeks or so.
I just spent Thursday-Sunday with him. Every time we spend a weekend together, it is but a dream. I wake up back in T-town, where reality hits me hard in the face. It is so unfair that I have to constantly leave him over and over, or vice versa. I try hard not to cry every time... but it seldom works.

Since I left VSU this past weekend, I thought the whole ride home - wow, look how much he does for me. Look how he loves me. This right here is what I yearned for for so many years! I have it right now... I am the luckiest girl in the world!

Today it was so hard for me, several times mind you, to not just sit and cry happy tears. My chest has had this full feeling, like its about to explode all day long. It swells even more when I hear a sweet love song. My cup runneth over.

He had sprayed my VSU t-shirt with his cologne before I left, an act that he was reprimanded for... before I realized how that very act had actually truly graced me with the smell of the one I love the seven hours it took me to get home as well as while I was falling asleep. -I don't deserve him-

After sending texts all day just saying ''I love you :)'' and talking on facebook chat and calling him once... I went to the local Ulta store, which is wonderful might I add, and there I thought I'd look for his cologne, which he thought was being pulled from the shelves... and there it sat. Beautifully in its blue capped bottle. I sprayed it on me. I'm actually wearing my boyfriend's cologne as we blog. Everytime I make the subtlest move, I get a lovely whiff of the love of my life.

This boy is - amazing. Excuse me... MAN. Drew Ogden... I love you with my entire being and I love you more with every breath I take... and I'll love you for a thousand more lifetimes to infinity. Thank you for loving me the way you do and for being my best friend. I love you like no other. :') MUAH!!